This isn’t the type of newsletter where I talk about my goals to be a certain weight. Before I share what matters to me on this weight loss journey, what my actual goals are, I want to first reflect on the times when certain numbers (lbs) stood out to me.
115 - I was collarbone-and-sternum-skinny as a kid. This lasted well into my youth, where I was 115 lbs in high school. I’ll never forget the time a classmate asked me if I was anorexic. I think this was the beginning of me feeling a bit self-conscious and wanting to gain weight. (Granted, all my life I heard from family that I was skinny, but there’s a huge difference between viewed as skinny vs. anorexic.)
145 - I remember reviewing a BMI (body mass index) chart and determining that “technically” I was overweight for my 5’4” height at 145 lbs. The definition of overweight is “above a weight considered normal or desirable”. The fact that I was so close to being “obese” while being confident, healthy and feeling good made no sense to me. This was the beginning of me disregarding how the U.S. views weight. To say that being overweight means that you are undesirable is absurd. I come from a world where women are categorized as being “mager”, thin or scrawny, or “mampie”, which means fat, and I’ve seen both sizes be desired equally. It comes down to how you confidently carry and/or present yourself, rather than a specific number or term. Someone will always desire you!
I digress.
170 - The next time I paid attention to the scale, I was 170 lbs. I was this weight for a few years straight, and again, was healthy, felt good and confident. Throughout my pregnancy, I flirted between 170s and up to 180 lbs. Towards the middle of my pregnancy, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes so I ended up toggling between 160s and 170s by the end.
I say all this to say, a year later, my goals have nothing to do with the scale and everything to do with how I feel on a daily basis. I want to:
Heal my diastasis recti. This will have so many other positive affects on my body such as improving my core strength and posture. A few days ago, I discovered a workout designed to help heal your core muscles (and target the lower abdomen): 10 Minute Daily Core Restore. Something doable that you can tack onto your regular exercise. Yes, I paid $8 for this. And yes, there are free options on YouTube. Yes, you can look up exercises on google and put together your own little 10 minute workout. I personally like Glow with Jo because she did the work for me, it’s well paced, and the moves are effective. I’m starting to see and feel results already; slowly but surely.
Develop better lifestyle habits that work for me such as eating more balanced, nutritious meals, (e.g. increasing my fiber and protein intake), and exercising 3-5 times a week (eventually getting back into yoga and dabbling in pilates).
I don’t know where I am hormonally after having a baby, but I want to figure that out. The above should help with balancing things out for sure.
As I continue to refine my goals (by transforming them into S.M.A.R.T. goals), I can acknowledge that I want to do a lot, and not every day will be a home run, but I’ll continue showing up each day. Nothing beats a failure but a try.
Thanks for reading! :)
Image by @sylvestermcnutt
