Lately, I’ve been thinking about death. Hearing about Malcolm-Jamal Warner’s sudden passing felt like a sign to pick apart my feelings around the inevitable. So I did what I usually avoid and I sat with it. I wrote and reflected.

I wish I had a healthier relationship with death. I’m not ready. Not to die, and definitely not to lose the people I love. I’ve been lucky (or maybe not?) to escape certain real-life experiences so far. Death, especially, feels like something happening just outside my life, but never quite in it.

When financial expert Tiffany Aliche’s husband Jerrell Smith died unexpectedly from an aneurysm, it made me tear up. Imagine how she felt as someone it happened to. They were madly in love, had weathered storms together, and built something that looked so real. Growing old with someone always sounds like something “older people” do, but really, we’re all growing older in real time, minute by minute, year by year. Losing someone who holds space in your everyday life? That’s the kind of ending I’m afraid of. Who wants the journey to end?

My daughter brings all of this even closer to the surface. Watching her grow so quickly reminds me that if she’s changing, so are we. Time is always ticking.

How can it be that we’re here one moment, making plans, worrying about the usual things, and gone the next? We pretend tomorrow is guaranteed while knowing, deep down, that it isn’t. Maybe that’s not denial. Maybe it’s how we survive. How else would we function if we really internalized how fragile it all is?

But reflecting on Warner’s passing, I’ve come to think there’s a space between denial and paralysis. Some truths aren’t meant to be solved, just held. Like grief. Like love. Like the weight of knowing that any moment could be the last.

Maybe having a better relationship with death isn’t about understanding it, but letting it change how we show up for life.

How would your days look different if you fully accepted that nothing, no one, is promised?

This week’s mood: like I accidentally eavesdropped on someone in emotional foreplay (thanks, Kennedy Ryan), and also low-key terrified because… what is with the arms-out stance in Weapons?! Let’s talk.

I started Before I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan a while back but never finished it, until now. It’s a poetic, painful, and powerful exploration of how death can break a family and somehow bring them back together again. I won’t spoil the entire plot, but imagine divorcing someone… only to realize it was a mistake? The book is basically slow-burn emotional foreplay, with two people resisting a magnetic pull. When they finally give in... 😳

Not related to sexcapades, but something else haunting me lately: Weapons. When the trailer first dropped in the group chat, it already felt unhinged. Even though it’s not based on a true story, the themes have remnants of real-life tragedies. Now, every time I see the trailer, I switch the channel or turn away.

But then I sat with it. What was so unsettling? It wasn’t just the music. It was the stance. The arms stretched out, running-with-purpose stance. It messed me up. Visually. Viscerally.

There are legit reasons why it feels off:

This one’s been brewing: I launched a YouTube channel: Tiff Ruby’s Place. Think of it as a video extension of this newsletter. Same voice, same vibes.

Who it’s for: People moving through transitions, reimagining adulthood, womanhood, and motherhood with more intention and softness. The kind of folks who feel seen by the right soap or a perfectly timed solo walk.

What it’s about: Storytelling. Daily rituals. Product favorites I actually use. Little emotional truths found in everyday life. It’s where all of my creative projects will meet.

I recorded my first video 🎥 and let’s just say… it’s giving rough draft. The intro wasn’t intentional, the audio was low, and there was an echo, among other things. I debated deleting it (because the cringe… 😅), but I’m sharing it anyway. Progress over perfection, amIright?

You can watch here if you’re curious or just want to support these baby steps. Better videos are coming! One of my inspirations: @theunlikelycountrywoman.

If this feels like your vibe, I’d love to have you subscribe and grow with me. 😄

I first learned about Buddhism in a World Religion class, and to this day, I think I’d like to come back as a Buddhist in another life. There’s something deeply grounding and comforting about its core beliefs. Death isn’t an ending in this worldview; it’s part of the flow. A return and reminder of the cycle. There’s peace in knowing everything is not permanent, and everything is connected.

Thanks, as always, for reading. Writing this brought me a bit of calm and joy, something that could feel rare with everything going on in the world. Wishing you peace this weekend 🙂